praise God the car rental company my insurance company recommends that I rent from is located within walking distance of my apartment!
the assistant manager said they just opened two weeks ago 🙂
God you’re our provider.
hello brand new black Corolla type S for “sport” at economy price!! woohoo. got wheels again
has officially begun spiraling in and out of control.
how these next two weeks will be, the next five, ten, I have no idea.
Today I know God loves me because of Jesus’ resurrection. He triumphed over death and lives forever that we may be restored to God.
Today I know God loves me because after church, I was driving home and a car crashed into my car, leaving the front right side of my car scraped and badly dented with washer fluid leaking out and a popped tire. But, I feel like I’m on cloud 9.
For an infinity of reasons I am thankful: that I had no passengers, that there were no oncoming cars since the impact of the crash pushed my car over to the other side of the street. Really a blessing since I was near one of the largest intersections in West LA (Santa Monica and Westwood). I’m thankful that though I called the police and was told none would come since no one was injured, two officers who happened to be in the area spotted us and looped over. I’m thankful they were both good cops, supportive, understanding, and stuck to their word. I’m thankful that the other driver and his wife were kind and understanding. I’m thankful that I could rely on my church family to take care of me.
I’m deeply happy that I got to chat with the police for a good 5 minutes about what it’s like to be a police officer and whether they had seen Zootopia or not. I’m deeply happy that I got to chat with the driver about his life in Los Angeles after Tehran.
But one of the most privileged things ever is that I have car insurance, that I’m a citizen of the US, and that I speak English well. Sometimes I don’t acknowledge the privilege of having privilege. In the U.S., the day to day is bleh, but when things go wrong and there is a rule of law enforced to serve and protect citizens, this is privilege. When things go wrong and I have the documentation required to get by, this is privilege. When things go wrong and I have the language skills to navigate next steps, this is privilege. When things go wrong and I have the traits that make police show me favor and not malice, this is privilege.
God, you have given me infinity – life eternal. God, you have also given me abundantly within this finite world.
You are my portion and my hope is in You.
one of the best gifts you can give someone is for you to be responsible for yourself.
the end.
help me not do this for my glory
help me do this for Your glory!
Yesterday I felt like throwing up the whole day. On the way to a birthday lunch, I sat in the car trying to suppress throwing up. After the lunch I came home exhausted, still unable to throw up so I went to bed.
After sleeping on and off for 12 hours +/- 2 hours, I thought I’d be fine, but when I got out of bed, I was dizzy and had to steady myself to avoid falling. Did I have vertigo like my dad? Was I going through menopause like my mom? But I’m still in my 20s? I took a shower hoping that the heat wouldn’t cause me to faint and was ready to hurl out my insides into the toilet.
On the way to church I tried keeping my head steady because I felt dizzy with sudden movements.
You get the point.
I wanted to go to church badly because I know that a woman at our church has the gift of healing. I wouldn’t be able to see a doctor until Friday. At church, I asked two friends to pray for me and the pastor’s wife also prayed for me in the back. Then after worship, the woman I was looking for came up to me and without me asking her to, laid a hand on me and prophesied and prayed over me.
I eventually started crying because of how supernatural it was for her to pray for me. She has never walked up to me to do that before.
The whole ordeal confirmed to me that God works in the supernatural and we can either ignore it and miss out on encountering his authority over creation or we can wade in the discomfort and messiness and witness it.
I stopped feeling like throwing up.
Side note: I think I’m anemic.
“Lord, we are weak and frail, helpless in the storm.”-Fernando Ortega, Our Great God
I awoke last night to a thunderstorm. I lay in bed listening to the rain pouring down, the wind rattling things, and this booming thunder and crackling lightning. The lightning sounded like a midi sound file of something crackling. There was one point where I saw this blinding flash of lightning and heard thunder immediately afterwards and that’s when I unplugged my phone and computer to avoid power surges. I considered the thought of being struck by lightning. (Side note- didn’t Benjamin Franklin tie a key to a kite and observe lightning?) There really was nothing to do except wait for it to pass. Sometimes that’s what life is like.
I joined a start-up and I am losing my life. Everything G has told me about start-ups is true. The name of the start-up is Bruin Shelter. Bruin Shelter is a student-run shelter for homeless baby bears and by baby bears I mean bruins and by bruins I mean students who may or may not go to UCLA. Bruin Shelter exists in the mind and is soon becoming reality. How could I ever pass up this opportunity to pilot such a program?
My now life consists of going to school, going to work, doing stats homework, trying to add to my research, checking emails and responding to emails and planning meetings and saying dumb things in meetings and forgetting to acknowledge certain things and wishing people would stop looking at me. I am spread as thin as a matza cracker we Christians often take in communion. The shelter has not even opened yet. I AM SO EXCITED and I love the people on my team. Thank you Jesus for them. I THINK I’M GOING CRAZY. I AM SO EXCITED. AHHHHHHHHHH!
THIS IS UNSUSTAINABLE. THIS IS TOTALLY UNSUSTAINABLE. SELF CARE. BREATHE. BREATHE. CALM DOWN MELODY. REST. REST. SLOW. DOWN. YOU. CAN’T. HANDLE. SPEED.TURTLE. turtle. think slow thoughts. slow. sloths. be slow like a sloth.
Ok, now that I’m back to earth. Here is why start-ups are making me lose my life:
The more involved I become, the more emotionally invested I am. The more emotionally invested I am, the more involved I become. It becomes difficult to walk away from an email…the issue must be resolved now…and I must throw in my two cents otherwise…what if they move on without me and my opinion? The whole operation could be in jeopardy. This is how my brain thinks at least. Maybe it’s less thinking and more feeling. *waves fist at self* “WHY CAN’T YOU/I STOP FEELING, WOMAN/SELF?!”. This Bruin Shelter thing, though I didn’t conceive of it, is growing to become my child. And I want to tiger mom this with 100% oversight. DON’T YOU DARE WALK AWAY FROM ME.
Calm down. breathe. breathe. sloth.
Out of Darkness 