on public speaking

i used to get super distracted when i was talking to my class and there were students making side comments. i personally felt bad that they didn’t listen to me. now i don’t feel bad at all , ptl! in fact, you can gather a lot of information of what is on their mind in the side-chatter. today i learned that they want to buy their class t-shirts and are annoyed about homework assignments- including the group project i assigned them. grin. 

i find that if you push through the side-chatting, my student’s end up listening to me more. but if i stop each time and ask for them to listen up, they listen less.

endurance strategy: out-talk my kids. 

home 

coming home to albany is like coming home to a prison where i am whipped to death by emotionally brutal words. and i no doubt inflict similar wounds. sigh. 

it has been like this since i turned 18 and yet i still come home.

three truths remain:

-this was never meant to be home
-hurt manifests itself in rage

-Emmanuel, God with us

lax

In all my experiences flying out of LAX, today–the supposedly jam-packed nuts night before Thanksgiving, has been the smoothest.The TSA agents were kind and even funny, the Southwest staff were also helpful. The travelers pleasant. 

Good job team humanity! 

from the new yorker

In a sworn affidavit filed in one of the California cases, a former salesman for Trump University, Ronald Schnackenberg, said, “Based upon my personal experience and employment, I believe that Trump University was a fraudulent scheme, and that it preyed upon the elderly and uneducated to separate them from their money.”

It’s bizarre to me how the working class white folks who voted for Trump think their interests will be represented…when Trump has had a precedence violating education laws to prey upon people like them for their money.

I think people who have divided interests of profiting their own businesses should not be public officials…because the interests of people are often at odds with the interests of corporations.

Lester Freamen from The Wire (2002) has a memorable line that is relevant here:

You follow drugs, you get drug addicts and drug dealers. But you start to follow the money, and you don’t know where the fuck it’s gonna take you.

Drops mic

I had a difficult time lesson planning for today. I felt so much pressure partially because it’s the last day we’ll have to cover Department of Public Health required curriculum for the year before we begin entering the social action research phase. 

I also felt stressed because I wanted to address Trump being elected into office and didn’t know how to do that while going through the curriculum. As an Ne, I had come up with three different possible lesson plan flows for the period and each one could easily spawn spin-offs. I was overwhelmed by the possibility of content that could be covered. 

In the end, after talking to Nathan, I realized how important it is to create a space for people to express their thoughts and feelings in response to the election and not just focus on putting out a hopeful note. (My kid’s teacher texted me that they had been confused and unsure of what would happen now).

In the end, we had a good flow aside from side conversations and me having to quiet down the class periodically:

-reflection: what is one thing that has been on your mind after seeing the election results?

-room for sharing.

-talked about Trump and oppression as objectively as possible. Talked about the roots of oppression using the symbol of a tree. Tied this to symptom and cause of symptom using example of coughing and cold. What is being put into the roots affects what fruit is produced. Introduced -isms: racism, sexism, classism, etc. 

-Explored the root causes of violence against women, sexual assault on college campus, mass incarceration of black men, deportation of undocumented immigrants, muslims targeted as terrorists. 

-What if we changed what we put in the roots? Equality, respect, love?

-Ended on talking about difference between bystanders and upstanders. Watched two videos exemplifying both, one courtesy of my fb newsfeed from this past week.

-Passed out three resources for us to be a resource as another way of being an upstander for the undoc, LGBT, and muslim communities.

-Ended with let’s be “bystanders, I mean upstanders!” some giggled. “Let’s be upstanders!”

I’m done, like Obama, my inspiration who embodies the word cool and Kobe and all the tight people before him, mic drop, I’m out. 

—-

memorable things that happened today:

A, one of the most respectful kids raised his hand and asked me if I cut my hair in the middle of class. “yes…before”. then he asked me if I dyed it. “yes…can we talk about this later?” 

I caught D taking a selfie on snap chat during class. 

I look over and E (football player) is rubbing D’s scented lotion over his arms. “what is going on here?”

“my arms are ashy”

today

It was hard to go to work today. Our agency runs two domestic violence shelters and provides supportive counseling to domestic violence and sexual assault survivors. Our mission is to address the root causes and consequences of violence against women. It’s obvious where we stand as an organization with regards to the election. 

We happened to have a potluck today to celebrate November birthdays. Today we sat in silence at times, were angry together, and then ate cake and laughed together.

There is something wonderful about  being together with them and stuffing our faces with tacos, chicharones, chips, and cake. 

10.31.16

thank you Father, for your steadfast love endures forever

generation to generation, your hand of mercy has guided the nations- has guided Israel, has guided us. help me make decisions that honor you. guide me always to the way everlasting. lead me to your heart.

fill me with the joy of you presence and strength of your power,

the delight of your salvation

the abundance of your grace-

that I may pour out what overflows

amen.

more self reflection 

i am having an epiphany and will write it down because that is the only way i can recall anything in the event that i stumble upon the writing later. i relate to the main character in Memento (2000) who must write down everything lest he forget due to his short term memory loss. 

the times where i write down everything i need to say for class and verbally read it aloud a couple times, things go well. the times where i write down a general stucture, things are said but it’s less clear. if i improv it, things are wack.

i realize the reason for this is because i think and feel so many different ways about something, it’s hard to articulate a definite answer. i hear this in my less talkative kids in class. two students today said that they understood rape culture but didn’t know how to articulate it. when i asked them to then share bits and pieces of what they had heard about rape culture, they were able to answer the question. 

i guess the pressure to answer in a polished coherent manner is high and that pressure favors people who think linearly.

when i write everything down, i can feel more confident in what i’m saying and authentic to my thoughts. maybe this is true for everyone doing something for the first time. idk.

nonetheless, i hope that with repetition, the act of speaking gets easier!