today

ive been eating by myself in the sun near a fountain at oakland city center on occasion. it’s been nice to sit in my feelings. there’s also live blues music. #oakland

today i feel incompetent bc i had a nose hair on my face during a team meeting that i found out later when i went to the bathroom.

i felt fomo bc these people i want to be friends with in texting threads hang out at these events but i can’t make it to the events or i’m too lazy.

i felt sad bc i asked NC if he ever thought about having a threesome (bc doesn’t that happen or something?) and i felt sad bc i realized that i don’t want to have a 3some. i just want it to be us 2.

i felt sad about my family and being not in contact with my cousins anymore.

i felt this absence of feelings when it comes to the separation of families at the border. it’s crazy to say “they are disobeying the law and therefore deserve the punishment” when the law is fucking oppressive.

i think i have been thinking about that recently. what happens when the whole system is rigged? and it is. why are we so insistent to defend a shit unfair system unless we reap the benefits of the system?

idk i thought about today how i don’t like delegating tasks or confronting people.

i miss nathan.

ok bye

i am also excited to marry nathan.

i am also excited that I have seen God’s grace in different ways this week.

i am also excited about making a final plunge and applying to jobs that have NOTHING to do with research, quantitative data analysis, excel formulas, statistics.

i am excited bc it is sunny and it is possible now to sit outside in oakland in a t-shirt in the sunshine for lunch and after work.

i am excited because my housemates are having a baby soon and i am excited to see if they want a baby shower.

i am excited bc i am going to get a agua fresca.

i am excited bc today my coworker was nice to me

i am excited bc getting to fellowship with other women breathed some life into my relationship with God.

i am excited.

excited

i am excited that hristine-cay is moving here. i am so excited i am going to burst.

hammock therapy

hammock therapy is when i lay in my housemates’ hammock after work with a backdrop of the setting sun, the bart whirring, and distant sounds. hammock therapy helps alleviate the stress of recognizing an insurmountable problem emerging.

A Prayer for Regeneration Church in Oakland

may we become bombarded with the fact that a mostly white and asian church body in east oakland that shys away from conversations about race, inequality, oppression and privilege is problematic when it comes to building relationships with the community we exist within.

may we find it troubling that we can sing of God’s love and the good news of our salvation when we don’t extend that love to our very neighbors who are the least well off.

may we take brave steps to speak and brave steps to listen.

may we embrace oakland’s strengths of being one of the most racially diverse cities in the US.

may we seek to embody that strength.

may we be stretched so that it hurts for the sake of the Gospel-

that in Christ, the dividing wall of hostility is done away with and in its place, comes a new creation.

God give me a humble heart and direct my anger and frustration where it can lead to growth and not resentment.