Cool encounters continue

“I speak with my wife in Tigrigna. I speak with you in English. We speak with God in the language of the Bible”.

Today was the first time I walked into a Lyft to someone speaking to his wife in Tigrigna, he paused to ask if it was ok. After his call, he turned to me and said “God bless you my sister, what is your name?”

And he shared about how he had been transformed by God.

I asked if he was religious and he said that he was spiritual and thought that his relationship with God, with the Holy Spirit changed him and that he felt blessed.

He kept repeating “God bless you my sister”.

He said he saw his car as a place to bless people and as a place of ministry. He showed me a list of people’s names written in different languages that had accepted Jesus in his car. One name was written in Japanese.

He told me to listen to this Nigerian preacher.

I told him he had the gift of prophecy and he was delighted, repeating hallelujah and praising God.

Very great encounters of October continues.

accountability

today i signed up as in registered for a free improv workshop.

this is part of my melody initiative to foster creativity in my depressing work life.

the goal is to sign up for a longer commitment class before the year ends.

even

even a not-bad day at my work involves me feeling like my soul is dying.

yet, i still don’t see or know a way out.

i’ve been here for 8 months and feel miserable.

the nicest part of today was facilitating a focus group.

i’ve become obsessed with looking at new jobs, feeling depressed since i don’t think i’m who they are looking for.

the parallels to the dating world are strong.

i just wonder- will i ever find a job that wants me back? is there any job out there for me?

God has gotten me out of despair and heartbreak. i hate waiting but the last time i waited on God to show up in desperate times, I got rooted into the Epicentre family and found healing and dear community in LA. The last time I waited on God to show up eventually somehow led to reconciling with nathan.

maybe i can wait this one out even if this job sucks so badly to me and i feel hopeless and purposeless and too tired to dream about doing improv classes or sewing classes.

maybe God can show me the way in the midst of this 9-5 job crap.

stuck

i feel stuck right now because i have a headache that won’t go away

because i feel like barfing from eating some off-chinese food for dinner

because i feel trapped in my job, unable to get into another one.

because i still feel like barfing.

to be human in this moment stinks

light at the end of the tunnel

for today, there is light at the end of the tunnel. a moment of workload temporarily scaling back, my boss’ stress giving way to relief.

to celebrate since my coworkers had lunch already, i am eating by myself at Shooting Star, a place of memories in chinatown.

God i need your help. because my capacity to handle the endless tasks at work is maxing out.

I have a job interview tomorrow for a role that aims to empower survivors of DV and SA.

Please let me get the job.

this is my life now

This is evidence of my crowning achievement today. I figured out something really confusing in SPSS syntax and the problem is the fact that I figured it out really doesn’t amount to much in my opinion >_<.

I have to admit that it was fun to problem-solve at work today and I think the end-product is that YMCA of SF can have cleaner data to assess their programs with. I think some of my coworkers find immense purpose in this line of work, developing data collection and analysis methods for organizations to find out ways they can improve their services…but perhaps for someone like me, whose top strength on strengths finder is Empathy, whose Ennegram type is the one that feels everything all the time (often leading to self-pity and mopey-ness),whose myers briggs is an INFP, MAYBE I REALLY NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS FIELD. BUT WHY IS IT SO HARD TO QUIT?

 

******SYNTAX FOR YMCA SURVEY ADDENDUM – CIVIC ENGAGEMENT – 6+.

*Drop Participants who did not respond to survey questions*

COMPUTE VALID=SUM(q0006_0001, q0007_0001, q0008_0001, q0009_0001, q0011_0001, q0012_0001, q0013_0001, q0014_0001, q0015_0001,
q0016_0001, q0017_0001, q0017_0002, q0017_0003, q0018_0001, q0018_0002, q0019_0001, q0019_0002, q0020_0001, q0020_0002, q0020_0003, q0020_0004).
EXECUTE.

SELECT IF VALID>0.
EXECUTE.

STRING SLUGTAG (A200).
RECODE q0002 (1=’BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: PRIMED AND PREPPED’) (2=’BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: EGNTE-SUMMER PROGRAM’)
(3=’BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: ALL CITY-SUMMER PROGRAM’)(4=’BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: SPORTS SUMMER’)
(5=’BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: TILL’)(6=’BUCHANAN: MYEEP TUTORING’)(7=’CHINATOWN: TEEN VOLUNTEERS’)
(8=’CJG: TEEN LEADERSHIP (CIT/LIT/WIT)’)(9=’EMBARCADERO: COUNSELOR IN TRAINING INTERNSHIP’)
(10=’STONESTOWN: COUNSELOR IN TRAINING’)
INTO SLUGTAG.
VARIABLE LABELS SLUGTAG ‘Slugtag.’.
EXECUTE.

STRING BRANCH (A200).
RECODE SLUGTAG
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: PRIMED AND PREPPED’ = ‘Bayview Hunters Point’)
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: EGNTE-SUMMER PROGRAM’ = ‘Bayview Hunters Point’)
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: ALL CITY-SUMMER PROGRAM’ = ‘Bayview Hunters Point’)
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: SPORTS SUMMER’ = ‘Bayview Hunters Point’)
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: TILL’ = ‘Bayview Hunters Point’)
(‘BUCHANAN: MYEEP TUTORING’ = ‘Buchanan’)
(‘CHINATOWN: TEEN VOLUNTEERS ‘ = ‘Chinatown’)
(‘CJG: TEEN LEADERSHIP (CIT/LIT/WIT)’ = ‘CJG’)
(‘EMBARCADERO: COUNSELOR IN TRAINING INTERNSHIP’ = ‘Embarcadero’)
(‘STONESTOWN: COUNSELOR IN TRAINING’ = ‘Stonestown’)
into BRANCH.
EXECUTE.

RECODE SLUGTAG
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: PRIMED AND PREPPED’ = 1)
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: EGNTE-SUMMER PROGRAM’ = 1)
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: ALL CITY-SUMMER PROGRAM’ = 1)
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: SPORTS SUMMER’ = 2)
(‘BAYVIEW HUNTERS POINT: TILL’ = 1)
(‘BUCHANAN: MYEEP TUTORING’ = 3)
(‘CHINATOWN: TEEN VOLUNTEERS ‘ = 3)
(‘CJG: TEEN LEADERSHIP (CIT/LIT/WIT)’ = 1)
(‘EMBARCADERO: COUNSELOR IN TRAINING INTERNSHIP’ = 3)
(‘STONESTOWN: COUNSELOR IN TRAINING’ = 3)
into COLCARBOTH.
EXECUTE.

VALUE LABELS COLCARBOTH
1 ‘Both’
2 ‘College’
3 ‘Career’.
Execute.
*FOR COLLEGE: MISSING CAREER Q’s AS 888* *FOR CAEREER: MISSING COLLEGE Q’s AS 777*
**NOTE: NO COLLEGE ONLY PROGRAM IDENTIFIED*

DO IF (COLCARBOTH=2).
RECODE q0008_0001
q0011_0001
q0016_0001
q0017_0001
q0017_0002
q0017_0003
q0020_0001
q0020_0002
q0020_0003
q0020_0004 (ELSE=777).
END IF.
EXECUTE.

DO IF (COLCARBOTH=3).
RECODE q0007_0001
q0010_0001
q0015_0001
q0018_0001
q0018_0002 (ELSE=888).
END IF.
EXECUTE.

MISSING VALUES q0007_0001
q0010_0001
q0015_0001
q0018_0001
q0018_0002(888).
EXECUTE.

*RECODES FOR DEMOS*

RECODE q0001 (1=1) (2=2) (3=3) INTO LANGUAGE.
VARIABLE LABELS LANGUAGE ‘Please select your language. ‘.
EXECUTE.

VALUE LABELS LANGUAGE
1 ‘ENGLISH’
2 ‘SPANISH’
3 ‘CHINESE’.
Execute.

FREQUENCIES VARIABLES=LANGUAGE
/ORDER=ANALYSIS.

RECODE q0057 (1=0)(2=1)(SYSMIS=999) INTO GENDER.
VARIABLE LABELS GENDER ‘What is your gender?’.
EXECUTE.

VALUE LABELS GENDER
0 ‘Male’
1 ‘Female’.
Execute.

MISSING VALUES GENDER(999).
EXECUTE.

RENAME VARIABLES
(q0054=DOB_MM)
(q0055=DOB_DD)
(q0056=DOB_YYYY).
EXECUTE.
VARIABLE LEVEL DOB_MM (NOMINAL).
VARIABLE LEVEL DOB_YYYY (NOMINAL).
RECODE q0058_0001 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO RACE1_AFAMER.
VARIABLE LABELS RACE1_AFAMER ‘Are you…? AfricanAmerican/Black’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0058_0002 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO RACE2_ALSKNAT.
VARIABLE LABELS RACE2_ALSKNAT ‘Are you…? AlaskanNative’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0058_0003 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO RACE3_API.
VARIABLE LABELS RACE3_API ‘Are you…? Asian/PI’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0058_0004 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO RACE4_WHT.
VARIABLE LABELS RACE4_WHT ‘Are you…? Caucasian/White’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0058_0005 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO RACE5_HIS.
VARIABLE LABELS RACE5_HIS ‘Are you…? Hispanic’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0058_0006 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO RACE6_NATAMER.
VARIABLE LABELS RACE6_NATAMER ‘Are you…? NativeAmerican’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0058_0007 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO RACE7_OTHER.
VARIABLE LABELS RACE7_OTHER ‘Are you…? Other’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0058_0008 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO RACE8_UNSPEC.
VARIABLE LABELS RACE8_UNSPEC ‘Are you…? Unspecified’.
EXECUTE.

VALUE LABELS RACE1_AFAMER RACE2_ALSKNAT RACE3_API RACE4_WHT RACE5_HIS RACE6_NATAMER RACE7_OTHER RACE8_UNSPEC
0 ‘Unchecked’
1 ‘Checked’.
Execute.
*RECODES FOR CHECK/UNCHECKED Qs*

RECODE q0017_0001 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCAREER_4.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_4 ‘I learned how to write a professional resume and cover letter.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0017_0002 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCAREER_5.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_5 ‘I learned how to prepare for an interview.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0017_0003 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCAREER_6.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_6 ‘I learned how to apply for a job.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0018_0001 (1=1)(888=888)(MISSING=0) INTO qCOLLEGE_4.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLLEGE_4 ‘I learned how to access and apply for resources that help pay for college such as the FAFSA.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0018_0002 (1=1)(888=888)(MISSING=0) INTO qCOLLEGE_5.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLLEGE_5 ‘I learned how to apply for college or training program.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0019_0001 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCOLCAR_6.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_6 ‘I learned how to create and commit to a budget.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0019_0002 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCOLCAR_7.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_7 ‘I established a bank account.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0020_0001 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCAREER_7.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_7 ‘Through participation in this program, I have received? A paid job.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0020_0002 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCAREER_8.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_8 ‘Through participation in this program, I have received? A paid internship.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0020_0003 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCAREER_9.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_9 ‘Through participation in this program, I have received? An unpaid internship.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0020_0004 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCAREER_10.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_10 ‘Through participation in this program, I have received? An unpaid job.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0021_0001 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCOLCAR_8.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_8 ‘Through participationin this program, I have received? A volunteer opportunity.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0021_0002 (1=1)(MISSING=0) INTO qCOLCAR_9.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_9 ‘Through participation in this program, I have received? A community service opportunity.’.
EXECUTE.

VALUE LABELS qCAREER_4 qCAREER_5 qCAREER_6 qCOLLEGE_4 qCOLLEGE_5 qCOLCAR_6 qCOLCAR_7 qCAREER_7 qCAREER_8 qCAREER_9 qCAREER_10 qCOLCAR_8 qCOLCAR_9
0 ‘Unchecked’
1 ‘Checked’.
Execute.
*RECODES FOR TRUE/FALSE Qs*

RECODE q0006_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCOLCAR_1.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_1 ‘This program helped me figure out what I want to do in the future (like going to college or starting a working career).’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0007_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(888=888)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCOLLEGE_1.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLLEGE_1 ‘Because of this program, I learned about different education options.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0008_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCAREER_1.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_1 ‘Because of this program, I learned about different career options.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0009_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCOLCAR_2.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_2 ‘Because of this program, I learned about different career options.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0010_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(888=888)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCOLLEGE_2.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLLEGE_2 ‘I feel confident that I will succeed in my education.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0011_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCAREER_2.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_2 ‘I feel confident that I will succeed in my career.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0012_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCOLCAR_3.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_3 ‘In this program, I learned how to set goals and meet them.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0013_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCOLCAR_4.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_4 ‘Because of this program, I have a better sense of how to manage my time in order to get things done.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0014_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCOLCAR_5.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLCAR_5 ‘Because of this program, I am better able to handle problems and challenges when they arise.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0015_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(888=888)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCOLLEGE_3.
VARIABLE LABELS qCOLLEGE_3 ‘After I complete this program, I am confident I will be able to get into a college or training program that meets my goals.’.
EXECUTE.

RECODE q0016_0001 (1=1)(2=2)(3=3)(4=4)(5=5)(SYSMIS=999) INTO qCAREER_3.
VARIABLE LABELS qCAREER_3 ‘After I complete this program, I am confident I will be able to find a job on my own.’.
EXECUTE.

VALUE LABELS qCOLCAR_1 qCOLLEGE_1 qCAREER_1 qCOLCAR_2 qCOLLEGE_2 qCAREER_2 qCOLCAR_3 qCOLCAR_4 qCOLCAR_5 qCOLLEGE_3 qCAREER_3
1 ‘Not At All True’
2 ‘A Little True’
3 ‘Somewhat True’
4 ‘Mostly True’
5 ‘Completely True’.
Execute.

MISSING VALUES qCOLCAR_1 qCOLLEGE_1 qCAREER_1 qCOLCAR_2 qCOLLEGE_2 qCAREER_2 qCOLCAR_3 qCOLCAR_4 qCOLCAR_5 qCOLLEGE_3 qCAREER_3(999).
EXECUTE.
STRING SURVEY_YEAR (A200).
COMPUTE SURVEY_YEAR = ‘Year 4’.
EXECUTE.

STRING SURVEY_PERIOD (A200).
COMPUTE SURVEY_PERIOD = ‘SUM18’.
EXECUTE.

*Create CASEID*

Compute ID = $casenum.
EXECUTE.

FORMATS ID (F2.0).
EXECUTE.

STRING ID_string (A100).
RECODE ID
(1 = ‘1’)
(2 = ‘2’)
(3 = ‘3’)
(4 = ‘4’)
(5 = ‘5’)
(6 = ‘6’)
(7 = ‘7’)
(8 = ‘8’)
(9 = ‘9’)
(10 = ’10’)
(11 = ’11’)
(12 = ’12’)
(13 = ’13’)
(14 = ’14’)
(15 = ’15’)
(16 = ’16’)
(17 = ’17’)
(18 = ’18’)
(19 = ’19’)
(20 = ’20’)
(21 = ’21’)
(22 = ’22’)
(23 = ’23’)
(24 = ’24’)
(25 = ’25’)
(26 = ’26’)
(27 = ’27’)
(28 = ’28’)
(29 = ’29’)
(30 = ’30’)
(31 = ’31’)
(32 = ’32’)
(33 = ’33’)
(34 = ’34’)
(35 = ’35’)
(36 = ’36’)
(37 = ’37’)
(38 = ’38’)
(39 = ’39’)
(40 = ’40’)
(41 = ’41’)
(42 = ’42’)
(43 = ’43’)
(44 = ’44’)
(45 = ’45’)
(46 = ’46’)
(47 = ’47’)
(48 = ’48’)
(49 = ’49’)
(50 = ’50’)
(51 = ’51’)
(52 = ’52’)
(53 = ’53’)
(54 = ’54’)
(55 = ’55’)
(56 = ’56’)
(57 = ’57’)
(58 = ’58’)
(59 = ’59’)
(60 = ’60’)
(61 = ’61’)
(62 = ’62’)
(63 = ’63’)
(64 = ’64’)
(65 = ’65’)
(66 = ’66’)
(67 = ’67’)
(68 = ’68’)
(69 = ’69’)
(70 = ’70’)
(71 = ’71’)
(72 = ’72’)
(73 = ’73’)
(74 = ’74’)
(75 = ’75’)
(76 = ’76’)
(77 = ’77’)
(78 = ’78’)
(79 = ’79’)
(80 = ’80’)
(81 = ’81’)
(82 = ’82’)
(83 = ’83’)
(84 = ’84’)
(85 = ’85’)
(86 = ’86’)
(87 = ’87’)
(88 = ’88’)
(89 = ’89’)
(90 = ’90’)
(91 = ’91’)
INTO ID_string.
EXECUTE.

STRING CASEID (A100).
COMPUTE CASEID = CONCAT(“YMCA-Y2-SPR18_COLLEGECAREER-” ,ID_string).
EXECUTE.
STRING GradeLevel (A100).
RECODE CollectorNm (‘YMCA College & Career Survey’=’6+’)
INTO GradeLevel.
EXECUTE.

RECODE CollectorNm (‘YMCA College & Career Survey’=’999’)
INTO DAXCO.
EXECUTE.

trapped

i feel trapped in my job of seemingly 24/7 data-analysis.

every day of my job involves working on some kind of spreadsheet and i went from finding this a novel experience that reminded me of the intense math workbooks my dad bought me to do as a kid to feeling trapped in a meaningless monotonous “No Exit” sort of hell. Seven months of working here has led to my soul festering, as I long for empathetic and purposeful driven human connection. Instead, it’s talk about our data and our process.

At the same time, I have been applying to different jobs, but not hearing back. And so I feel trapped, wasting away in this white collar prison.

Well, the highlight of my day has been stumbling into a comic book store I never noticed before.

I learned that there are already 24 issues of Paper Girls and that you can buy them in these cheap $3.99 forms and not nice book looking forms.

I also picked up a free poster that says “Oakland stands united against hate”.

That was a nice find.