classic dad

me: i’m gonna do my taxes
mom: ask your dad he’s good at it
me: i’ll do it myself
dad: wait two weeks
me: i’ll do it myself
dad: i need to give you information on a secret account
me: it’s ok i’ll just do it without it
dad: no you’ll be in trouble
me: sighs

mliao

the thoughts that swirl when it’s time for bed

self-doubt, self-hate, misery

things undone

things unsaid

not knowing how

not knowing why

not knowing when

what even

just this abstract soup of leftover memories

rupi kaur

what is stronger

than the heart

which shatters over and over

and still lives

on being 30

I got a job offer yesterday on feb 2, the day before I turned 30- two weeks after I had a meltdown from feeling hopeless, helpless, and disconnected, one week after I found this bizarre peace in putting my hope in God. #GodFTW

The anticipated start date for the job is the week that would have marked three months of being unemployed. That was the period of time I set in my head that would be dedicated to the job search and any prolonged unemployment would be one in which I would just unravel. #GodFTW

God is interesting and I think in this period of unemployment, has shown me things in my heart that needed to go: an over-reliance on $$ for security, distrust in God’s ability and character, an over-reliance on my own abilities, and a resistance to hope in God’s faithfulness.

I think if there’s a word for me in this season of life, it is cultivate – to cultivate a life rooted in God’s faithfulness. To let challenges become nourishment in the soil around me to grow through.

I’m currently reading a book called Cultivate by Lara Casey from the Castro Valley library, which may or may not be inspiring me through this season.

Thanks God for weeding out some things in my heart that needed to go and for sprouting new roots in this place 🙂