behold

because the sinless savior died

my sinful soul is counted free

our God the just is satisfied

to look on him

and pardon me.

 

 

and another thought

me and nathan are getting married?!

 

WEIRD. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

another thought

i grew up my whole life under this blanket of evangelism that allow for the views of  john macarthur and john piper to be lifted up.

their views completely neglect the mysterious workings of the holy spirit, not just during pentacost, but to this day. their views completely neglect the practice of reconciliation and appealing to God’s yearning for justice in our broken world. their views read the bible in a way that communicates conflicting messages about women being complementary to men but not approved for leadership roles. their views put blame on the individual for having natural attractions to the opposite sex that deviate from male-female or female-male. their views do not acknowledge people who by natural means, don’t fall on the gender dichotomy, but follow a gender spectrum instead.

following Jesus feels oppressive under evangelism, macarthur even wrote a book comparing following Jesus to being slaves for him.

where does grace, mercy, freedom and freedom fighting for those who are bound by chains- literally- come into play?

 

 

scalding hot water

scalding hot water, burning into my skin

after balancing too many hot breakfast items in my hands.

a red patch of skin, burning as i write.

yet sipping scalding hot water feels wonderful.

WEIRD

growl

God, I’m frustrated.and weeks later when i read this and realize how petty I am for being frustrated, I’ll feel bad. but let this be a moment to process through nonetheless.

i can’t sleep. partly bc i’m sleeping on the floor. it’s not comfortable but it’s not uncomfortable. it’s better than sleeping on my bed. i’m particular about beds now that i’m old and get back aches when sleeping on soft mattresses.

i also can’t sleep bc of so many different strands of feelings that mostly revolve around those of self-pity and despair.

i’m frustrated that i can’t get over things easily and instead brew over them, turning situations this way and that to see what meanings they hold. coming up with the worst conclusions.

#frustratedatbeingfrustrated