god i repent of all the detestable parts of my heart that rob me of your grace.

loco

nate and i are flying to missoula, montana to buy a car from a man who loves his car and drive it west to portland and south to oakland.

i’m writing this out because it is both real and nuts.

and i can’t wait.

the music being released by bands from africa is so dope.

most of my adult life, i thought the melodic structures in classical music, western pop, rock was all there was to life.

but then there was india.

and now…africa. 

i’m very excited about spotify opening access to non-western paradigm-y music. 

#metoo

i haven’t done much poking around into how #metoo began, but i appreciate it existing. i have a feeling that we’re already entering the tail end of this hashtag’s peak fame but i really hope there can be enough momentum being built that awareness can turn into sustained action from the bottom up and top down. i hate how it took so long for me to realize the insidious nature of patriarchy in making me/women view ourselves as being inferior to men and inferior to other women if the other women are better liked by other men. 

i think this perception and treatment of women as being “less than” has existed ever since the fall and i wonder what creation redeemed will look like for our relationships. i really believe that men are insecure around women in their full forms because women in their full forms are indomitable and beautiful all the time in a way that utterly renders the immature and underdeveloped male impotent.

if i sit in the emotions too long, it makes me cry that we live in a world with systems whether intentional or unintentionally in place to favor men over women, white over non-white, rich over poor, and so on and so forth.

can we just say FUCK THIS SHIT!

jigsaw into place

 Today as I walked home through the neighborhood, I spotted a single puzzle piece made out of cardboard, completely blank. I immediately thought of Michele, a woman I look up to who led the Servant Partners team in East Oakland. Over the course of her life, she had chanced upon jigsaw pieces during her prayer walks and every time she contemplated major life decisions. She saw them as God’s way of communicating to her that her life was in His hands and that though she could not see the full picture of what her life looked like, God did and He was leading her to fulfill it – one piece at a time.

Since meeting Michele, I’ve shared her story with others as being an example of how God communicates uniquely to each individual, though I’ve never found any puzzle pieces while walking around…that is…until today!

As I plan to give my notice to quit my job tomorrow and move back to the Bay Area before the end of the year, the doubts have been coming in: why am I doing this? Is moving back to the East Bay to be closer to my family, Nathan, and Nathan’s family really a good idea? Why do my parents react how they do? In leaving my job, will I screw over my boss? Will I even find a job or housing in the East Bay? Is it really a good idea to distance myself from the Epicentre community here in West LA, a community that has brought healing, joy, and spiritual growth in my life?

Through wading in these doubts, I’ve seen glimmers of hope come through – a message spoken here, an unexpected exchange there, encouragement from others, and this sense of freedom and peace after telling friends and co-workers that after 5 wonderfully challenging, abundant, and growth-filled years in LOS ANGELES, it is time to return to the Bay Area.

When I walked home today with a throbbing headache and period bloated-ness, seeing that puzzle piece on the grass growing along the sidewalk shook me and I exhaled in amazement-

that God, through it all, You’re in this with me.

and there is nothing to fear.