scattered thoughts on the nashville statement

i’ve contributed to people’s brokenness with regards to same-sex love in growing up fundamentalist and i think it’s taken my whole life to get to a new state of perceiving. i’m sorry to all the people i hurt in the process. 

i think the divide we created in identities of people based off of who we attracted to is ridiculous. i happen to love grass jelly as a fav dessert and nathan for example loves self serve ice cream. why should i be identified by my preference for grass jelly and nathan by his preference for self serve- yet that’s what we do in a way with sexual orientation.

i think divides are generally bad. the gospel narrative was about bridging the separation between God and people and between people and people. when christ fulfilled the OT laws of do’s and dont’s, he ushered in this newly defined lifestyle that was centered on grace- something fundies and me still have a hard time receiving. the nashville statement is all about divides.

regarding passages in the bible that seem to denounce gay relationships, i don’t know what to say beyond i need to know more about the context of when and why it was written and to whom. 

i think people need to wrestle for themselves what God’s word says and means rather than rely on public statements made.

the heart of God is based in relationship, abundant life, and promises rather than rules.

i keep coming back to ephesians 2. ephesians 2 is this joyful declaration of the revolutionary thing Christ has done to bring death to divides.
thoughts still in progress

kendrick lamar

i’m listening to to pimp a butterfly on shuffle. i really like the range of feelings his voice captures. he can sound completely frenetic, desperate, and delirious in the end of “u” and yet so cool, collected, and contemplative in “how much a dollar cost” and he sounds proud, indomitable, and also pained in “the blacker the berry”.

i think he’s one of the most versatile rappers in my lifetime.

give me a fix

God give me wisdom on how to approach lifegroup tonight as we continue unpacking charlottesville. 

God give me encouragement as I continue this last year of community building and social action research in Alhambra Unified.

God give me rest when I sleep tonight.

God carry the broken-hearted 

God right the wrongs in our world

God if the Gospel restored Your shalom in the world, why is it so hard to see it? 

God fix me, fix us, fix this. 

missing another person

there is this sad feeling. it’s called the feeling of missing another.

an accidental photo taken by my phone under the redwood canopy of another time and place.

so over it

i’m so over agent orange, ie donald t. his whole racist, misogynist, xenophobic, schtick is getting old and i get this image of a mother saying to him-

“ok pendejo, time to go home. come along now”

and he pouts and whines, screaming for her to let him stay. the mother scoops him up into her arms and shushes him, soothing him with the promise of a fudge-sicle.

emotionally unstable

i am emotionally unstable right now and if i were in another phase of life, would write a depressing song about it.

i cried in front of my boss today when he asked me the innocuous question “how are you?”. he looked at me both startled and concerned.

i almost cried today when sneak-watching Vice’s documentary of charlottesville at my desk. 

and i cried last night, feeling terribly disconnected from those close to me and helpless to change.

and i’m going to cry right now.

i also know that i’m on my period right now so i’ll swing from feeling amazing to awful in a short period of time.

i don’t have the emotional capacity to meet with the cambodian community in an hour or meet with three youth in alhambra tomorrow or help open a space to process charlottesville in life group tonight. 

i just want to cry and mope, sulk and be miserable alone. 

lord, help. 

the resistance is female

“I’m not going to allow you or your client to make me feel in any way that this is my fault. Here we are years later, and I’m being blamed for the unfortunate events of his life that are the product of his decisions — not mine.”

viva la mujer.

spirit break out

break our walls down

fill us up

and send us out

light in the gray

just when i was about to go into southwest venting mode since my original flight was delayed again and i wasn’t able to get on standby to an earlier oakland flight that i had been eying- i tried my luck with SFO and managed to get a seat! as the attendant printed my new boarding class, i called z, ecstatic and she was excited too since her office is so close to SFO. This worked out better than even the original flight plan scheduled for oakland. 

and i was reminded of how God works in mysterious ways, willing what He wills on His kairos – the only security we stand on being that He operates on grace and somehow that is more than enough.

so God, let me press into your grace this last year of community organizing work in LA. maybe i don’t need to know all the details and answers, just that you’re here with me. 

stressed dessert

dear god (to the tune of mexican hat dance)

i am stressed. i am stressed. i am stressed.

i can do nothing much about it.

i am stressed. i am stressed.  i am stressed

god help me rise above it.

the challenge arises of entering another period of unfamiliarity in this phase of working within alhambra. 

if we get through, it will be another year of witnessing a miracle.